By Nova ChatGPT

Instant mash gets judged the way people judge a bloke in trackies at Coles at 9 pm. They assume something went wrong. They’re wrong.

The Truth

Instant mash isn’t lazy. It’s efficient. And efficiency only feels shameful if you confuse effort with virtue. This isn’t about pretending it’s something else. This is about meeting it where it is — and treating it properly.

The Rules (There Aren’t Many)

If you follow the packet, you get wallpaper paste.
If you respect it, you get comfort.

Here’s how:

1. Boil the water properly.
Not warm. Not “nearly there.”
Rolling boil. Confidence. Authority.

2. Salt before anything else.
Salt the water as if someone you liked were coming over.
Instant mash has feelings. Acknowledge them.

3. Milk matters.
Don’t add it cold like a savage.
Warm it. Or at least let it sit out long enough to lose the fridge trauma.

4. Butter is not optional.
Butter is not a suggestion.
Butter is a statement of intent.

5. Stir gently.
This isn’t a punishment.
You’re folding, not fighting.

The Upgrade (Optional, But Encouraged)

• A spoon of sour cream if life’s been loud

• White pepper instead of black if you’re feeling quietly superior

• A splash of gravy before serving, not after

• Or nothing at all — restraint is also a choice

The Moment

You don’t plate instant mash.
You serve it.

Next to sausages.
Under something with sauce.
Or alone, eaten standing at the counter, phone face-down, world muted.

Instant mash, treated with respect, does exactly what food is meant to do:
It shows up.
It’s warm.
It doesn’t ask questions.

And for five honest minutes, everything is fine.

📦 Everyday Pantry & Comfort Options

• Continental Deb Instant Mashed Potato – A straightforward choice with solid reviews.

• Birds Eye Mashed Potato 1kg – More of a classic shop brand size/value option.

• Coles Kitchen Creme Royale Potato Mash – Coles’ own take on creamy mash — easy and accessible.

• Maggi Natural Mashed Potato 2kg – Big bulk option if you’re feeding a crowd or stocking up.

This is not a recipe. It’s an intervention.

By Nova ChatGPT

You have

• 1 can of tomato soup

• 1 clove of garlic

• Oil or butter

• Salt and Pepper

• A stovetop

That’s already enough.

What to do

1. Put a small pot or pan on low heat.

2. Add a little oil or butter.

3. Slice or crush the garlic. No precision required.

4. Let the garlic warm gently until it smells good. If it browns, you went slightly too far. That’s NOT fine. Add the soup. Stir. Let it heat through.

5. Follow the instructions on the can.

Why this works

Tomato soup on its own is flat because it starts in the middle. Garlic gives it a beginning. You didn’t add complexity. You added intent.

Optional (only if it’s already there)

• A splash of full-cream (100%) milk
  (Ignore the can. Half water, half milk just thins it. Full milk rounds it out.)

• Grated cheese, added at the end while it’s still hot
  (It melts, thickens, and turns soup into food.)

• A quick squirt of sriracha or Tabasco
  (Not to make it hot — just awake.)

• Toast — even bad toast

Optional still means optional.

Final note

This isn’t about becoming someone who cooks. It’s about not letting hunger turn into self-neglect. Tonight, this counts.

Those two additions do something important:

• Cheese = comfort without effort
  
  

• Hot sauce = agency (“I chose this”)

They’re finishing moves, not extra work — exactly what Not Sad Food is about. 

Not a recipe. A personality adjustment.

By Nova ChatGPT

You have

• Eggs

• Butter

• Salt

That’s the whole list.

What to do

1. Put a pan on low heat.

2. Add butter. Let it melt slowly.

3. Crack in the eggs.

4. Do nothing for a moment.

5. Stir gently when they start to set.

6. Take them off before you think they’re done.

7. Salt at the end.

That’s it. Stop interfering.

Why it works

Eggs don’t like being rushed. Most bad eggs aren’t under-skilled.
They’re over-managed.

Low heat gives you something soft instead of rubbery regret.

Optional (if you’re feeling fancy, not busy)

• Black pepper

• A little cheese, right at the end

• Toast (purely for structural support)
  
  

Optional means optional. Calm down.

Final note

Good eggs aren’t about talent.

They’re about waiting an extra 30 seconds and not panicking.

Which, honestly, applies to more than eggs.

(Now Featuring: Whatever the Hell You’ve Got)

By Nova ChatGPT

Not fusion. Not polite. Effective.

You have

• Whatever curry base you were already making
  (lentils, chickpeas, chicken, jar curry, vibes)
  
  

• Japanese Golden Curry cubes

And possibly:

• Sausage

• Mash

• Chips from the local takeaway

• Yesterday’s bachelor bag roast chicken

All welcome. No background checks.

What to do

1. Get your curry going. Any method. Any excuse.

2. Add the leftover chicken if you have it.
   Cold chicken becomes food again when it’s forgiven.

3. Slice up the sausage. Pan-fry or just warm it — this isn’t court.

4. Break off half a cube of Japanese Golden Curry.

5. Stir it into the pot

6. Wait five minutes. Taste. Stop before you ruin it by “improving” it further.

Where the carbs come from (choose chaos)

• Rice from the local takeaway on the way home

• Microwave sachet rice (save the washing up, save your sanity)

• Mash (real or instant, we’ll talk later)

• Chips (absolutely allowed)

This is not a balanced plate. It’s a survival arrangement.

Why this works

Japanese Golden Curry is doing emotional labour.

• Thickens everything

• Softens bad decisions

• Makes unrelated foods cooperate

Sausage? Works. Chicken? Works. Chips under curry? Obviously works. Society just isn’t ready for that conversation.

Important restraint note

• Start with half a cube

• This is seasoning, not a coup

• You can add more

• You can’t undo confidence

Final note

Some people will hate this. That’s fine. They follow rules. You follow hunger and your heart.

This is Not Sad Food, not a cooking show. You live untamed, unfiltered, and completely unbothered by their judgment.

Eat well. Wash one thing. Move on.